3 Writing Mistakes that Stop Customers from Buying Your Product

If your business site features an online store, you’ll want to be sure your writing is selling your products — not getting in the way. Here are three common mistakes to avoid when writing product descriptions:

1. Too much jargon, not enough meaning

It’s natural to want to mention every technical detail about how your product is built, what it’s made of, and what it can do. But remember, a product description is not really about the product — it’s about the customer buying the product. Always be asking yourself: Who buys this? Why? What specific void does it fill? What problem does it solve?

Your job is to make your customer want what you’re selling. Use your product description to provide a few major, important specifics in the form of a scenario that shows how your product will work in a particular (but at the same time, typical) situation.

For example:

This light-weight, insulated, compressible layering piece is warm enough to wear above the tree line, yet fitted enough to slip under our Tech Vest, Waterproof Shell or Alpine Parka. The water-resistent, 100% polyester outer layer will keep you dry in light rain or flurries. Wicking liner will keep you cool when on the move. Packs into its own pocket for easy stowaway, with a plastic clip for hooking to your belt loop or pack.

Unless your customers are extremely technical, save the detailed specs about construction and materials for your “Details” link. Customers with more knowledge can opt to review this info if they need it to make a decision. For everyone else, an overview is probably tantalizing enough to motivate an emotional buy (or at least a bookmark).

2. Generic adjectives (“weak words”)

One of my elementary school teachers named these “weak words,” and you should avoid them. Weak words are over-used and unspecific. They fail to paint a picture in the reader’s mind. 99% of the time, you can strike them from your writing and not notice a difference in meaning.

How do you know if you’re using a weak word? Close your eyes and say the word out loud to yourself. See anything vivid and specific in your mind? If the word doesn’t create an association for you, it’s probably not doing it for your customer, either.

A few weak words you’ll want to avoid: amazing, incredible, outrageous, super, big, large, small, nice, cool. These aren’t bad words, but on their own they’re not telling the customer anything useful.

Example: Let’s pretend you’re shopping online for a new car and the manufacturer’s description says, “This car is big enough for all your needs!”. Wouldn’t you want to know, “How big, exactly?”

Maybe things would be clearer if the copy said:

This four-door, four seat sedan has an extra foot of head room, two under-seat storage compartments in the back, and a trunk big enough to carry sixteen overstuffed, reusable grocery bags (we counted!).

3. Stumbling blocks on the way to the sale

You’ve written a compelling product description, positioned your product in the customer’s mind, and replaced weak words with specifics. So why isn’t anyone buying?

There could be many reasons. But before you do a major analysis of your business, check your website for simple oversights that might slow shoppers down on their way to Checkout.

For example: If you sell clothing, is your size chart one easy click away from your product page? How about your return policy? Is it easy for customers to do a dry run so they can see how much Shipping & Handling will add to their final cost? Do you offer testimonials? How about customer reviews?

Make sure there’s nothing you’ve overlooked. Offering people what they expect to see takes a lot of anxiety out of the shopping process. Remember, your job is two-part: to create an itch to buy your product; and then to make it as easy as possible for people to buy it from you.

4 Words All Websites Need to Have

I just read a list by Jakob Nielsen, “the guru of web page usability”, called Top 10 Mistakes in Web Design. Number 8 is one I see almost daily in my web travels: “Violating Design Conventions”. Nielsen points out that site users “form their expectations for your site based on what’s commonly done on most other sites. If you deviate, your site will be harder to use and users will leave. ”

This is as true of writing as it is of user interface design. Readers expect to see specific words on your home page. If they don’t see them, they may assume you don’t offer the information they seek.

The worst mistake you could make as a business or site owner is to be obscure.

A new visitor to your site may spend less than ten seconds total on your home page. Ten distracted seconds, with the phone ringing, the email in-box chiming, and a viral video or iTunes playing in the background. To get her attention and meet her expectations, you need to write clearly.

The first step to getting and keeping visitors is to write clear, simple navigation, so people can immediately find the pages they need. On most websites, users expect to see some or all of the following words in your main site navigation:

  • HOME
  • ABOUT: If you’re an individual, consultancy, or service provider, this means personal/professional bio(s). If you’re a big company or non-profit, it means company overview, mission, history, awards.
  • CONTACT: Name, address, email or contact form, phone, fax, customer service line, etc.
  • HELP/FAQ: Help menus tend to be searchable, comprehensive and technical, with the goal of reducing the number of customer service phone calls. FAQs are appropriate for smaller sites, but can be used the same way: to answer questions that routinely bog down your staff’s email accounts.

As a website copywriter and consultant, where I see people get into trouble is when they offer the navigational items listed above, but change these words. Usually it’s an effort to differentiate themselves by making their sites edgy or friendly.

For example, “About” becomes “Meet Us”. It’s meant to sound like a friendly greeting. The problem is, web users don’t have a practiced short-hand ready for “Meet Us”. We’re conditioned to know that “About” means “Bio” or “Company Details”. “Meet Us” requires a moment of thought.

When I first saw this on a client’s site, I assumed it meant “Set up a meeting” or “Come by our office”. Putting myself in the shoes of a first-time site visitor, I assumed this link wasn’t for me. I wasn’t ready to meet these business owners face-to-face — I was still looking for their About page. Had I been a real prospective customer, I might have given up and gone to a different site where the executive bios were easier to find.

Similarly, “Contact” often becomes “Get in touch”. Not the worst substitution in the world, but why use 12 characters when you can use seven? Also, “Contact”, as a word, has become a symbol to website users. When we feel the urgent need to send a note or make a phone call, we scan for this symbol. If we don’t see the familiar letter “C”, we may go all Hulk on your website (or simply close the window).

The important thing to remember about business websites is that they exist to sell you and/or your product to an audience with a very short attention span.

If your site is easy to understand and FAST (meaning: I can find what I need in under ten seconds), you stand a much better chance of getting and holding a user’s attention long enough to sell to them.

Layout and design is only half the battle. Words matter. When it comes to navigation, being clear is more important than being different. Use the words people expect to see — even if you think they’re boring. Save your persuasive, friendly, personality-infused writing for your actual page content — where people expect to see it.

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